Just a little background

I was born and raised in a German immigrant home just outside of Los Angeles, California and although I could not appreciate it at the time, it was a spectacular blessing. My neighbors and classmates came from a myriad of cultural backgrounds and listening to them converse in Tagalog, Vietnamese or Spanish felt completely normal.  Many of my friend’s parents were highly educated professionals in their home country who toiled at entry-level jobs in order provide a better life for their children.  Welcoming and generous, under each roof there were stories of hardship and perseverance. At a very young age, I became aware that for many, the world was far from fair and just.   

At the age of four, my parents divorced and in the years that followed, our family life became increasingly dysfunctional. Without a doubt, my brothers and I still experienced love and affection but at the same time, we began to develop a heightened sense of responsibility for keeping the peace amongst the adults in our lives who were struggling. Over the years, I learned that being a confidant and a good listener as well as a compliant, star pupil and athlete would give me the praise and security I longed for. Unbeknownst to me, the seeds of codependency were being sown.

On the outside, young adulthood looked more promising: I studied economics and German at Occidental College where I pursued a Masters in Teaching and was hired at the Venice High School Magnet School for International Studies and Foreign languages. A few years later I married, moved to Germany and lived an exciting life focused on my career, travel and friends. Eventually we added 2 boys and a baby girl to our clan and moved back to the US during which time I completely relished being a stay-at-home-mom. It was picture perfect in many ways but under the surface, something was not quite right. I began to struggle with intense anxiety and loneliness.

Reluctantly, I agreed to one final work-related move to St. Louis and once again, things looked as though they were going well for our family. The kids seemed to be thriving in school and enjoying sports, music and church.  We hosted pool parties, traveled to exotic destinations and even acquired an adorable puppy.  On the outside, our life looked a bit like a fairy tale.  But just under the surface things were becoming increasingly stressful and tense in the light of an uninvited guest: my husband’s alcohol addiction. 

 Living with addiction is tough.  Like most people, I had no tools or previous experience that would help me get my husband to stop drinking.  In fact, the more I tried, the worse things seemed to get.  Thankfully, a wise counselor suggested that all of my efforts to fix, control and manage my spouse might actually be contributing to the problem and suggested I begin attending a 12-step program for friends and families of alcoholics called Al-Anon. The fellowship and wisdom of this group helped me shift my focus onto the only thing I could control; namely – me!  In time I began to grieve my reality and take steps toward a healthier life for myself and my family. 

The Al-Anon concepts of acceptance, detachment and setting healthy boundaries have impacted my life significantly not only in dealing with difficult relationships but also in the way I show up for my friends, family and coworkers today.  From my own experience and from doing life with many others in recovery, I can say with complete conviction that there is hope for anyone who is struggling in any difficult relationship.  Regardless of the thoughts, feelings or actions of another person, we can still find peace and serenity for ourselves. 

It is my honor to be able to walk alongside others who might be stuck or confused and help them find a better way forward.